Reaction to "What I Am"

Babe, read your post and talked to you about how i felt. If what you wrote were truly musings of a learner as you claim and you really want to know the answers to things you said and asked in your post, then listen ans listen good. The first part is just copied and pasted from your blog. Afterward is a systematic breakdown of my academic-based reply. This is based on the Bible, my own upbringing, and the council of others who think like me and are better educated. I love you and I want you to at least have a fair chance at understanding what I believe. You said you were talking about religion in general, but from what I saw most of it was based on Christianity.


"I wrote about my love for the philosophy of choice a while ago. It was on facebook but I deleted it for whatever reason. Anyway, I feel choice beats religion in every way. Why? Because it is our choices that help us realize who and what we really are. If we stop taking things for granted and stop trying to believe in false entities and actually look at ourselves for once, then there might be a revelation of sorts. Who knows.
That’s why I don’t follow religion. When you’re part of a religion, you have to believe in something. But that’s it. You have to believe it with all of your heart and everything will be fine. If you keep to whatever entity you worship, your life will be filled with gold and such. There’s no question, no research. You can’t choose to believe one thing and not another because if you do, you are bashed upon. You are told that you are a terrible person and you will burn when you die. …Really? So, if someone who lived a bountiful life, who married the person of their dreams, built a loving family, had an amazing job, did not smoke, drink, do drugs. If someone lived like that and did not believe as the entity did, then they will burn? …Why? How can that be? How is that possible?
Truthfully, that’s a terrible thing to say to someone who has worked their tail off to live a peaceful life and all you have to say to them is “you will burn because you don’t believe in god!” What has god done to let me believe in him? “He created the earth and the universe.” How do you know that? Did you see him do it? “Jesus is our savior!!” Savior of what? How does anyone know that if you praise Jesus Christ that you will live in Heaven when you die? How is it that this ‘God’ is the great, all-mighty and everyone down here are terrible people. People who have worked hard and survived just to stay alive? How can an entity that built this world and created the people in it say that we are bad? That we are forsaken?
It’s just…i hate the idea of someone watching me. Criticizing me for everything that I do. Telling me that I will burn if I don’t praise the lord. The idea that there is someone above us, just watching and laughing at us is stupid. It pisses me off in a way. That you would bash something you created. So what if they don’t believe in you. How that does change anything?!
…Sorry. I got a little carried away. It’s just how I feel is all. Doesn’t really amount to anything. Just another guy rambling. I bet I’ll push some buttons a little, I guess. I apologize."




The very first thing that I want to say is that Christianity is based on choice. That is the entire premise of the Bible. God gave Adam and Eve (the first two people) the choice to do bad things. He, in a sense, had to. If He didn't do that, we would all be a whole bunch of happy robots. We as Christians today choose to follow Jesus because we realize that we have done bad things, and will continue to do bad things. We need His help. Here is the tricky part. Once we decide to be Christians, we aren't then obligated to do anything different in our lives, but if we really are Christians, those things that exemplify Christianity normally show through. It's like being part of a family or having a girlfriend. You don't have to love me and kiss me, but because you CHOSE to be in a relationship with me, you want to hold me and kiss me and do nice things for me. It's not a requirement. It's something you do automatically based on your choice.
The second thing I wanted to point out is a common misconception. We believe in God because we believe in Him based on faith and science and love. It has nothing to do with our lives being perfect or happy or plentiful. Most of the time, it is the complete opposite. People criticize us and hurt us and refuse us jobs or friendships based on our faith. On the other hand, we do feel that we live better lives, because of the fact that we have different perspectives. We do our best not to get caught up in things that inherently make our lives frustrating, like cheating and lying. The thing that confuses people the most about Christianity, in my opinion, is that we do have a choice in what we do. Some of us curse or sleep around or lie, but that is a deeper issue that I can't explain fully to you right now, except to say that we are not bound by strict rules "or else".

I also wanted to say that you claimed that there is no research or thought involved. We just take stuff for granted and skip merrily on our way. That is not true at all. While our research does conflict with non-religious scientists and such, it does not mean we are wrong. What it means is that because we come from different perspectives, both our groups use evidence to prove a point instead of the other way around. Science is meant to learn things that we didn't know. To take information and test it and THEN come up with the facts, not try to change and mold the information to prove a preconceived notion.
One of the biggest issues that you posted about was the very common concept that as humans, we are "all basically good" and that if we do our best and work really hard, then we deserve to go to heaven. If you look at it in that perspective, then yes, we do. As Christians, we have a slightly different lens to look though. Think about it this way, in the garden of eve, everything was perfect. Humans were made to live forever in bounty and peace. There was not hell, no sin, no judgement, no death. We screwed up the perfect (with a little help from  a jealous angel). We screwed up our chance to live in a perfect world. Yes, it does seem unfair that after that one screw-up that everything sucks now. That of course is a human way to look at things. Think of it from God's perspective. He is perfect, made a perfect place and gave humans only ONE easy rule to follow. "Don't eat from that specific tree" there were tons of trees and plants to choose from, but we decided  to listen to a serpent a disobey. See, God is perfect and has to be around perfect. That's why he made the garden perfect, so He could be there with us. Once we started to do things that weren't perfect, WE banished God from our lives. We basically (with our actions) said that God doesn't know what He's talking about, we can do it better. After that, all of us are now flawed. Because we are flawed, we can't be with God, because God needs to be with perfection. So, because he loves us, he made the ultimate sacrifice. He saved us from our own sin (badness). EVERYONE does bad things. Even people who seem to be the pinnacle of good, like Mother Teresa and Billy Graham. They have done bad things too. They need some one to save them from the bad things they do as well.
As for some of the questions you asked, I am going to go over them as quickly and simply as possible, because most of the answers would be obvious if you had a religious background.

What has god done to let me believe in him? “He created the earth and the universe.”How do you know that? Did you see him do it? 
Actually, if you take it from a scientific standpoint and look at the world with an open mind, there is a whole bunch of evidence pointing to some sort of maker or creator. I am going to compare to Evolution because it is the most predominate theory out there. First off, if they could  really get evidence of evolution that made any sense, it would be a scientific law. A theory is only part  of the process. second, all of the theory of evolution is based on the findings of Charles Darwin when he visited the Galapagos islands and studied MICROevolution in finches. The difference between micro and macro is that micro deals with changes inside a species. This includes dogs with long fur or breeding two dogs to make a new type of dog. That is correct. Over time, it can lead to bigger changes, like all eagles having curved beaks. However, no matter the changes within a species or breed, MACROevolution will never occur. However much you might like the idea, if you breed a lion and an eagle, you will never get a griffon. If you do it will most likely die and will never be able to give birth. even common mixed breeding always produces sterile offspring. A mule is a breeding between a donkey and horse. seeing as they are so similar, you'd think that they would go together, but mules are always sterile. So the continuation of that evolutionary path stops at the first generation. You can, however find evidence of creation. the fact that creatures re so complicated, the reoccurring themes in skeletal structure and pattern, the non-physical aspects of humanity. If there were no creator, how can we solve problems or make jokes or love? There is no explanation for that in science. Another, less scientific "proof"  is that if you look at every single tribe or group of people throughout history and geographical regions, they all have deity and religion. They all know that something is out there. They all also have their version of the story of the flood. if the Bible was a silly book of fantasy and stories and lessons, how is it that every culture and people-group know about the world wide flood?
 (yes, that is the short version)

“Jesus is our savior!!” Savior of what?
Saviour of our souls! He gave up all His power, respect and life in heaven, came down as a baby in a disgusting manger in spring and lived a life hated my even his family so that He could pay for all the bad things- past and present and future-that everyone has ever done. Then, He rose from the dead and is in heaven waiting to say to God the father that we are acceptable into Heaven as perfect beings.


How does anyone know that if you praise Jesus Christ that you will live in Heaven when you die? 

 As I explained earlier, we don't praise Jesus so that we can go to heaven; we praise Him because He made it available for us.Of course no scientist can quantify heaven and say, "Yep, Heaven is real" Part of it is having faith(believing in something that no one can prove)




How is it that this ‘God’ is the great, all-mighty and everyone down here are terrible people. 

 I understand your position on this, but you(and every human on this earth) are biased. of course we think that we should go to heaven. No one actively says, "I want to be in torment for all eternity!"

The very definition of God is that of a perfect and all powerful amazing being. He is not a creature that people made up. He made US up. He invented us. For example, if you drew a picture, it came out just like you wanted and you just loved this thing....would you then say that this thing you made, was equal to you? Would you go buy a plane ticket for it? or invite it to your party? Of course not! that's silly! That is the same with God and us. He made us to serve Him and make Him happy. We can never be like Him because of the nature of the law of things created. As for being terrible people, that is just bad reasoning. You are starting the argument in a negative light. We are flawed, yes. We cannot be with God without paying our debt(which Jesus did) because He is perfect.




People who have worked hard and survived just to stay alive? How can an entity that built this world and created the people in it say that we are bad? That we are forsaken?


I think I have sufficiently explained this, but let me repeat myself, God made us, and because of one mistake thousands of years ago, we are flawed. By the nature of  a prefect and all powerful entity, we are separated from Him until our debt is paid. He didn't want that, so Jesus came to earth and paid the "fee" for us. It is simply for us to now accept the payment. Let's take a situation you might understand better. Your dad went to the mall and for whatever reason got kicked out ( I am not arguing for or against anything or anyone here, just trying to use an example). He is forsaken from the mall because of a supposed mistake. The rest of his life could be impeccable, but now he can no longer go to the mall. Let's say what he did was so bad that even his kids and everyone in his family can go anymore. The mall might say that if he paid them one billion dollars, then the debt would be relieved and you could enter. This is exactly what happened in the bible. Adam and Eve broke a rule and were no longer accepted in perfect places, neither are there children. There is a huge debt to be paid in order to be let back in that they can't pay. Now let's go  back to your dad. Say a majorly rich guy hears about your story on the news, goes to the courthouse and drops off an envelope with a check for one billion dollars, but on one condition, that you have to open it. Once you accept the payment, you are free of your burden. In the Bible, our burden is Sin. the payment is your soul. Jesus paid it off by dying for us. Once we accept that we do bad things and believe that Jesus is God and that we need Him, we are free forever of the debt of sin and can freely go to heaven.








That is what I had to say. While it all pretty much came from the Bible, I don't know the verses right now. I am going to insert them later for you, if you want to look them up. :)

Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Tonia stretched out on the wet grass under the big tree in the park. It was early in the morning on the last day of summer break, and she was planning on what to. Play with fire? No. Let a stray dog loose in church. Haha. No. She had to think harder than usual, because she wanted today to be special. Her mom had finally stepped across the line and signed her up for private school. As annoyed as she was, Tonia had to admit that she was sort of looking forward to going to a private school. She’d always gone to public school, and was getting a bit bored of it. The teachers didn’t care much and let her do what she wanted, or just shipped her of to detention. If Tonia made a big enough ruckus, she’d get suspended. Tonia laughed out loud. That had to be the stupidest thing anyone had ever thought of. Once, she was suspended for two weeks, on account of truancy. Her truancy officer had a FIELD day with that one. Ughh. Tonia’s truancy officer was a thorn in her side. (expand. Who is this person?)

Tonia didn’t care for school, except as a way to entertain herself. She did learn a lot, but not from the teachers. What people didn’t know is that, while her grades were near or at failing most of the time, Tonia actually knew most of the information backwards and forwards. She did just enough work to get pushed up to the next grade. Sometimes though, all she had to do was act up enough, and the teachers would just send her up anyways. Her dream was to go into politics or law enforcement, ironically, but she figured that no one would hire her as a police officer. Once, she told Shannon that she wanted to be the president, and Shannon had laughed at her. It was one of the only times that Tonia had been a reason for her mother to laugh. Tonia got up from the grass and swung up to one of the low hanging branches and let herself hang upside down.  She had yet to figure out what to do. Suddenly she got an idea that was sure to cause a comeuppance.  Tonia grinned. Payback time.

Tonia the great charged the castle, Astronaut, leaping over the moat. All of the citizens ran, screaming away from such a formidable foe. “Where is the one they call Cynthia?”  Tonia the Great demanded.  Suddenly, a shadow eclipsed the sun behind Tonia the Great. “I am here.” Came a voice almost as commanding as her own.  Tonia the Great turned to see a tall, lean, muscular woman glaring at her through tough, leather body armor. Tonia the Great was undeterred. It was only a matter of time before, even so great an adversary would be brought down. It was simply a matter of timing.

“Cynthia!!! Where is my tie?” Mr. Waters yelled to Mrs. Waters inside the house. Tonia ducked, and none too soon, beneath the window in front of Mrs. Water’s house. The eggs in her hands were getting warm. It was now or never. Tonia snickered as she backed up and drew her arm back to throw the first egg. This would teach that self- serving, holier-than-thou family to get her into trouble.  (what trouble?)The egg hit the side of their house with a satisfying smack. A few dozen later, aimed strategically at windows and the handmade sign welcoming visitors, and the job was done. Tonia wiped her hands on the grass and walked away. She knew that she would be caught, but that was half the fun.  She wanted them to know who had defaced their perfect life.  She may have been only ten, but no one messed with her life and got away with it.  No one. Suddenly, the front door opened, and Mrs. Waters stepped over the threshold. Tonia froze and half slipped in the grass.

                Mrs. Waters noticed Tonia on the grass and also froze.

Church. Dress. Not. Ruckus. Wet dog. Painful ear grabbing. Yelling. Shannon. Blah. Example. Hearing problem. Drawing. Attention span.  Sunday school. Incident. Fidgeting. Cleaning the bridge. Background story.

Chapter 2: Sunday

Tonia enjoys the sun and freedom of the last day of winter break before resuming school, until Mrs. Waters (Maria’s mom) decides to take her to church. This is followed by the very large problem of getting Tonia ready and presentable before they go.  Once Tonia is ready to go (i.e. the Waters’ family gives up), they head off to church, were Tonia tries to do everything in her power not to go inside for worship. Normally, she would go to Sunday school, but Mrs. Waters doesn’t trust her….and Tonia is banned from the classes after an incident with another child.  Once in the service, Tonia enjoys the music, but has trouble sitting still, until Mrs. Waters gives her a paper and pen to draw with.  Amazingly, after the service, Tonia remembers absolutely everything that was discussed, even better than Mrs. Waters does. Once they get home, Mrs. Waters insists that Tonia and Maria try to scrub off as much of the paint as possible. Mrs. Waters briefly considers  making them repaint the bridge, but after daydreaming of the results, decides to forgo the idea.

Chapter 2: Sunday

Tonia lay sprawled out on the grass in the park soaking in the rays of the afternoon sun. She smiled to herself, and mused. When was the last time I was truly this simply happy? Nothing to worry about and no people to interact with? She took in a deep breath of hot summer air and held it. Today was the last day of summer and she knew that it was the last day of laziness. Mind you, she knew as well as anyone that doing her homework was the issue. That was never going to happen. The issue of course was the fact that once school started, Tonia would have a whole new set of school related people trying to get her to conform.

Writing Exercise

do dee do dee do. hum drum. Dr. Oz said that I should do 60 mins of exercise a day. This is my writing exercise :DDDDD . D The idea is that for a few mins I am not allowed to stop typing. If I cant think of anything worthwhile to write, I just write what ever. Even if I write "hum drum la dee da" or " I'm bored. I can't think of anything to write" luckily for me, I have two things on my side.
1. I can't spell, so I am constantly slowing down to correct my spelling
2. I have a very interesting topic to discuss...this exercise!
3. I really like lists, so if I have trouble, I can always turn it into  list. Speaking of lists, I was working on a list today. Summer, you already know about the list in Excel that I wrote for college costs. Now I am cross referencing these costs with the price. I.E. Food should cost me $150 a month, but I only spent 125. Now I have $25 to spend on something else, or save to pay off my loans. :C Loans bah. you know, I never set a time for this little mind game, nor did I ever look at the clock. Normally I would, but I don't care. The real reason that I did this was to get off the TV. My parents have been on my case about watching too much TV. Ironically, when I moved back in with them, I wasn't going to watch any TV. Aside from celebrity apprentice, I think I can do that now. Not "cold turkey' of course, but gradually. Then MLIA, then sugar and junk food. after that, I will need to make a list of new habits to replace them with. TV is being replaced with outdoor activities in the daytime and reading and drawing in the evening. The MLIA is being replaced by writing. Sugar and junk food is being replaced by water and fruit. This is a good plan in several ways.
1. I told you I like lists
2. It helps me set a specific, tangible goal that I can follow
3. It gives me things to fill the void that will be left by those things, therefore helping me know how to avoid them
4. It gives me good things to work on that I need to do anyways, verifiably killing two birds with one stone.

Chapter 1

This chapter is obviously yet to be re-refined. I just have a habit of loosing my work, so here it is. Any future refinements or edits will be made directly to this post.  I will have seperate posts for each chapter. As I always say, if you see anything that can be improved, let me know. I am always very open to criticism.

Chapter 1: Saturday

Tonia the Great galloped through the fresh snow on her fabulous steed, Astronaut. He sorted as he raised his noble head to the sky and neighed, as if telling the other horses how mighty he was. She pulled up to the pinnacle of her kingdom and surveyed the wide landscape. “This is all mine,” she thought. She could say a command and watch as everyone scrambled to meet her request. They all loved and respected her. Thinking this thought, she immediately sent out one of her servants to get her some strawberry sherbet ice cream. “HA!” She laughed to herself, “I don’t even want any ice cream right now” She sighed, content to watch the flurry of activity below from her perch above it all, relishing the strange quiet that came from watching something far away. There was nothing that she couldn’t do.  The servant came back reverently holding a small silver dish of colorful, frozen, ice cream. Tonia the Great took it from him and bowed her head in thanks, then laughed and dumped it on the poor servant’s head. The servant walked away shivering in fear  The servant walked away, mumbling to himself about a coupe that would never happen.

 “Tonia, turn that music down! Are you ready to go or aren’t you?”

Tonia could barely her mother’s voice over the sound of the bass that rumbled through the house from her boom box. She sighed and closed her journal. She turned the knob on her boom box till she could no longer feel the thump of the rhythm under her feet.

“What do you want?” Tonia screamed down the stairs.

Shannon sighed and clomped up the stairs. In some ways, she as just as much a kid as the ten year old daughter that she tried to raise by herself.  When she arrived at Tonia’s room, she saw the girl leaning out her bedroom door. Shannon got right in her face and said, “It is my birthday today, and I am going to enjoy it. I told you half an hour ago to get ready to go out. We are meeting John and Stephanie at the Chinese restaurant to celebrate my twenty-sixth birthday. I did not make any food for you, so if you want to eat tonight, I suggest you get your act together within the next five minutes, or I am walking out the door without you.” Shannon turned to stalk down stairs.

Tonia couldn’t believe the impudence Shannon was displaying. Imagine, a mother not wanting to provide food for her daughter.

“But I don’t want Chinese food, I want spaghetti!” Tonia shot back

Shannon took a deep breath to calm herself, counted to five, and turned back to Tonia.

“Today is NOT about you! Today is about---” Shannon couldn’t finish her sentence because Tonia had punched her square in the nose and was now smirking as blood dripped down Shannon’s face, onto her favorite silk blouse.

That was the last straw. She shoved Tonia back into her room and slammed the door. She so desperately wanted to slap the orneriness out of Tonia, but knew that it would just end up in tears and would do no good. Shannon's friends had told her to spank Tonia, and then accused Shannon when Tonia started being violent. So, she had given up on physical discipline. The fact was that even if she tried to spank Tonia now, or even slap her, Tonia was surprisingly strong and fit for a kid of her age. As it was, she had to struggle to hold the knob still as she worked to get the key in and lock the door.  Shannon silently berated herself for letting Tonia get her way, again, when picking the type of lock on the door.  Finally, Shannon got the door locked and jimmied it to make sure it was secure. Now, she could get out of the house and try to enjoy the night. Shannon was very aware that Tonia would not be held by the locked door for long, but at least it would give Shannon a chance to drive away first. At the last second, she decided to remove the trellis from beneath Tonia’s window. Maybe that would keep her in her room for one night. Moving the trellis only served to dirty and rip her blouse more, but it was worth it. She could hear Tonia banging against her bedroom door and screaming obscenities even as she pulled out of the driveway.
      Down the street a few miles, Shannon stopped at a dingy gas station to see if she could get cleaned up before arriving at the restaurant. She called up Stephanie to tell them she would be late and to apologize for not being there already. Her friends were familiar to the chaos that Tonia somehow managed to pull off. Shannon went into the ladies' room and turned in the cool water and grabbed a paper

  towel. She blew her nose and gingerly wiped the dried blood from around her nose and chin. She also tried in vain to blot any of the blood off of her blouse. The blouse wasn't real silk, of course. Shannon laughed at that thought. No, only imitation for this poor teacher's aide. She sighed and gave up. As she was leaving, she saw one of those detergent pens hanging by the cash register, so she bought that. Her shirt was already ruined. At least people wouldn't see the blood stains. There was no hiding a fractured nose, though. Shannon sighed again. She didn't want to have to explain to curious people that she was not, in fact, beaten by an abusive boyfriend, but rather, her ten year old daughter.  It was so humiliating. She couldn't even claim that she had a younger brother, or son. No, she was always bruised up and bloodied because of her little girl. Shannon almost snarled at the thought as she got in her car and started the engine. She banged a fist on the steering wheel. Tonia had ruined her life! Even before she was born.
        Shannon had   been sixteen when Walter, the boy she'd (okay, everyone) had a crush on for a while, had finally asked her out. It was her first date, and she didn't know what to do with herself. She didn't have friends or even a very good mother or role model to tell her what to expect or avoid. Walter had been a dream. He was sweet and generous and kind of old fashioned gentlemanly. When the date was almost over, he leaned over and kissed her. Shannon was so overwhelmed that she didn't pull away. In fact, she didn't pull away when he took her to his house, or into his room, or even when he started touching her in intimate ways. Nine months later, Tonia was born, Walter was gone, and Shannon had to drop out of high school to get a minimum wage job. Even now, Shannon barely had any friends. Oh, sure, lots of people were attracted to Shannon, but as soon as they got even a whiff of Tonia's destructive nature, almost every single one had run for the hills. Shannon made it to the restaurant. She couldn't hide the tears or the broken nose fro anyone, and her blouse was now an ugly off white in places where the bleach had gotten rid of the blood. Shannon spent the next few hours eating low mein and getting drunk on sake.
         Tonia continued to scream and yell until she was out of breath. She knew her mom had left and that the door wouldn’t unlock itself, but screaming made her feel better. She gave the door a disgusted kicked and then collapsed onto her bed. Tonia pulled out her cell phone from her baggy jeans pocket and dialed her best, well only, friend’s phone number.

“Hello?” a whispered voice asked.

“Hey, Maria!” Tonia replied. “Wanna go tag the bridge? My mom just left and I think I still got a few cans left.”

“I don’t know…My mom was really mad last time. You know she doesn’t care that it’s on your property. She says it’s disrespectful.” Still whispering, Maria answered uncomittedly.

“Oh, I guess you don’t want any of those Otter Pops then….” Tonia knew that if anything, Maria could not turn down an otter pop.

“Do you have any purple left?” came Maria’s meek reply.

Tonia snickered. Now she had her. “Of course,” Tonia answered smoothly. Purple Otter Pops were Maria’s favorite, and Tonia always had them on hand.

“OK. Meet me there in ten minutes. I have to sneak out.”

      Toni snapped her cell phone shut in satisfaction. She opened her window and threw her legs over the ledge, but suddenly, she was only supported by her hands on the window sill. The trellis lay smugly on the ground two stories below her dangling feet.  She shrugged mentally and let go of the window.  She didn’t expect it to hurt so much when she landed, but after a quick check, found no permanent damage done. She quickly limped over to the shed at the east end of the yard, nearest to Maria’s house. Inside, she quickly grabbed a few cans of spray paint and two Otter Pops.  Has hmmm, I need to bribe that hobo across the street to buy me more paint. There’s only orange and green left.
           Maria snapped her own cell phone shut and sighed. She loved otter pops, but her real reason for sneaking out like a ninja at least once a week, was because her extra strict mom was not very supportive of her hanging out with Tonia. Maria liked Tonia because Tonia wasn't afraid of anything. There relationship was sort of Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn style. Tonia, of course being Huck Finn. Maria was not really rebellious, but needed an outlet, and her mom was way too involved in her everyday life, and always pushed her to be better. When Tonia was around, Maria felt free to e herself, if not a little more mischievous. She poked her head out of her bedroom door and looked around. She casually walked to the kitchen to scope out how hard it would be to just walk out the door. No luck, her dad was watching TV and her mom was sitting next to him. Maria sighed and walked back to her room. She winced as she opened her window. Not only was the window slightly squeaky, but there were bushes just outside under the window. Maria swung one leg over....and promptly fell head first into said bushes. She popped her head up and swiveled around to make sure that no one heard her. Nope. She scrambled out of the bushes and angled for the footbridge.
            Tonia jogged across to the south edge of the yard, bordering a public park, and sat waiting for Maria. Maria arrived two minutes later, out of breath and with sticks and leaves in her hair. Tonia laughed and pointed at her friend. “Did you have to wrestle with the foliage to get out here or is that what all the kids are wearing these days?”

Maria huffed and grabbed an Otter Pop. She lifted her chin and stated, “I jumped out my window, thank you very much.”

Tonia was only slightly impressed. “All three feet of it, huh?”

She smiled and handed Maria a can of orange spray paint. Together, they laughed and painted for hours. Soon, their fingers and arms were covered in about as much paint as the underside of the bridge, and they breathed fresh air for a while, because their heads were so light that they could not continue until they had. Maria tended to write names and poetry when she spray painted, and experimented with art. For Tonia, it was straight gang signs and curse words. She was forever trying to get Maria to write bad words, but hardly ever succeeded. Tonight was no different.  After some prodding, Maria was giggling as she started to spray paint a nasty word.  Something stopped her mid-stroke.

With her hand poised in the air, she pivoted on her feet and came face to face with her mother. Maria would have frozen, but she was already paralyzed with fear. Unlike Tonia, who disregarded her mom and knew that Shannon could do nothing to punish her, Maria feared and respected her mother and knew that there would be a price to pay. Tonia, who had met Mrs. Waters last time there was mischief, was nonplussed but also knew that Mrs. Waters was not to be trifled with. Mrs. Waters crossed her arms and looked down at the children, frowning. Tonia, a mastermind of getting out of situations, drew a blank and said the first thing that came to mind, “So, what lovely weather we’re having, isn’t it?” Mrs. Waters raised an eyebrow at Tonia. “It would be if I weren’t out in my pajamas in the middle of the night.”  She took a humoring glance at the sky.

Tonia took the moment and bolted.  Her breath soon came in chugs as she ran through the cool damp grass. She could hear Mrs. Waters behind her. What Tonia had in youthful energy, Mrs. Waters had in height. Soon she felt a strong pair of arms circle around her waist and shoulders, lifting her backwards off the ground. Her legs kicked furiously to find traction, but even with her wiggling, Mrs. Waters’ grip held fast. Tonia felt Mrs. Waters breathing in her ear, as the older woman whispered, “You’re coming with me. I am going to take you home to have a talk with your mother.” Tonia froze. Her mind scrambled to think of a solution. She knew that if Mrs. Waters found out that Shannon wasn’t home, she’d have to spend the night with them. “Uh,uh…..Shannon isn’t available right now; please leave a message after the beep…..BEEP.” Mrs. Waters was gritting her teeth in an effort to hold on to Tonia who was now squirming even more desperately. She jerked her grip. “Tonia is spending the night with us. Enjoy your evening. BEEP!”

Tonia panicked “NOOOOOOooooooo!” Then she did something she hadn’t done since she was five. She kicked and squirmed and moved with as much intensity as she could, then relaxed all the way, becoming dead weight and surprising Mrs. Waters, who let go of her. Tonia bounded up and tried to get away, but soon found her ear between two very strong fingers. So, close. She looked to her right and saw that Maria’s ear occupied Mrs. Waters’ other hand. All three of them trekked over the bridge, across the yard and to the Waters’ family home.  Tonia and Maria were only released once safely inside. Mr. Waters, who had answered the door, looked on in grim amusement. He enjoyed the free- thinking mind that Tonia had but knew that chaos awaited them whenever Tonia spent the night.

            Mrs. Waters ushered them to the family room and pushed them onto the couch. Tonia and Maria both took a deep breath and sighed.  Maria anticipating the upcoming doom, and Tonia, annoyed that she hadn’t stayed home. Tonia heard Maria mumble under her breath. “What?” “I told you we’d get caught” Maria answered. “Oh, grow up! It was only a few curse words and your pathetic excuse for art.” Tonia rolled her eyes and bobbled her head to accentuate her point. Suddenly their bickering was cut off. “Enough!” Tonia had never heard Mrs. Waters’ voice that deep or commanding. Both children looked at her in surprise. “It is two in the morning, I am tired and I had to get up out of bed, go out into the cold wet night to find my daughter that I was worried about.  Only to find that she is not only fine and healthy, but that she deceived me and was out spray painting, like a hooligan! After I specifically told both of you not to.”

Maria hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry Mama.” Mrs. Waters softened. “Fine. Go to bed.” Maria got up, still looking at the floor and trudged into her room. After a pause, Mrs. Waters continued, “As for you. I can’t believe you would do that! I don’t care if half of that bridge is on your mother’s property. You should know better. And to bring my daughter into this? Are you mental?! I’m trying to bring her up right and you are undermining me at every turn. Do you even know what time it is?” Tonia crossed her arms and looked away. She didn’t need to hear this. She was under no obligation to listen to the rantings of some religious nut job. Mrs. Waters continued, “I’m worried about you Tonia. I worry about your well being…Look at me when I am talking to you young lady!” Tonia didn’t respond. She had drifted into her mind and was  day dreaming about conquering a foreign land. Also, the time had finally caught up to her. She looked up to Mrs. Waters with half closed eyes and asked, “What time is it?” Mrs. Waters sighed and let her arms drop. She was too tired to do this tonight and knew that Tonia wasn’t going to listen anyways. “It’s a quarter after two.” Tonia let her head drop and her eyes followed suit. Soon her whole body was sagging as she slowly let her guard down and drifted off to sleep.

Sometime during the night, Tonia became aware of a weight on her shoulders. It felt like a hug. Tonia didn’t like being held by people much, but she did like the feeling of being wrapped securely inside something, in this case, a blanket. It reminded her of the story she heard about an autistic woman named Temperance, who built a hugging machine.  All too soon, Tonia sensed light, and was forced to open her eyes to a brand new day. She slowly became aware of her surroundings. She heard voices and saw some movement in her peripheral vision. The Waters family was gathered around the table. At first, Tonia thought, “Oh good. Food”, but as she looked closer, she realized that they were reading. “What the…?” Tonia stumbled over to the table, rubbing her eyes. She could feel her hair sticking up in every conceivable way, and she knew her clothes were all rumpled. “What’s goin’ on here?” She asked groggily.

Mr.Waters half-way turned to look at her. He raised his eyebrows at her. Why does everyone here talk with their eyebrows up all the time? “We are doing our morning Bible study. We are reading from the book of John today. We assumed you wouldn’t be interested, so we decided not to wake you.” Mr. Waters answered.

“You mean, so I wouldn’t ruin your little family time?” Tonia replied snobbishly

“Basically” Maria quipped

Mrs. Waters shot her daughter a glare, and Maia withered into he seat.

“Hmmph,” Tonia sneered. “Well, la dee dah.”

She gave a little shake of her hips and toss of her head to emphasize her point.  Mrs. Waters had left and come back into the room just in time to see Tonia’s performance. Only then, did Tonia notice the cordless phone in her hand. Mrs. Waters gave Tonia a strange look. “I just called your mother. She will be here in an hour or so.”

Tonia sniffed. “Well, I hope you two have fun together. I’m off to the park.”

“Oh, no you don’t.” Mrs. Waters tilted her head as she grabbed for Tonia’s shirt sleeve. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Well, I’m sure as hell not going to stay here and sing Kumba Ya with you folks.”

Mrs. Waters pursed her lips and took a deep breath. “You don’t have to join our Bible study if you don’t want to, but you do need to be respectful.”

“What?” Tonia asked as she scrunched up her face in confusion. Her tone was not incredulous, but revealed that she did not understand what Mrs. Waters had told her. Mrs. Waters gave Tonia a funny look and repeated herself.

“Well, what am I supposed to do until then?” Tonia asked with the tone of one resigned to fate.

“Why don’t you read or draw?”

Tonia loved to draw and was soon occupied with paper and pencil, while the Waters family finished their Bible study and waited for Shannon.

Shannon arrived two hours later and knocked on the door.  Mrs. Waters answered and welcomed Shannon in.

“Tonia, your mother’s here.” Mrs. Waters called. She opened the door to a tear stained Shannon, with mascara and blush running down her cheeks.

“I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble,” she pleaded

“Nonsense! Tonia’s always such a…a….delight.” Mrs. Waters countered. Both women laughed at that
“But I would like to know what happened last night.” Shannon retold the story from her perspective.

Tonia skipped up to the front of the house and confronted the adults with a smirk.  She looked at her mother with only thinly veiled contempt.

“Enjoy the party, SHANNON?”

Shannon gulped.

Mrs. Waters elbowed Tonia in the ribs.

“Maybe there’s something you want to tell your mother?” She prodded.

Tonia looked at the ceiling as if pondering the idea or trying to remember what she was supposed to say. Then she looked straight at Shannon and shook he head smugly.

“Nope” then she lifted her chin and strode between the two dumbfounded adults and headed to the park.

Friend Bio

My friend Summer and I (Hi Summer!) and I like to write, and we thought it would be fun to do character bios on each other.

How do I describe one of the best friends I have ever had? Well, like many of my friends, she is fun loving, perky, loyal....oh, wait, that's Zoey, my dog. When I met Summer, she was quiet, reserved, and cautious. I decided then and there that she needed to be my friend :D Now, she is outgoing, zany, fun, nerdy, and a great listener. I can really go to her with...almost...anything. We are very honest with each other. I love how quirky she is. She is not easily offended, and is still a bit shy and cautious around people she doesn't know. She is a great, albeit amateur, writer that loves to delve into the fantasy and surreal realms of fiction and science fiction, and currently, magic. She can get very fangirly very quickly, but that just shows her ability to love (agape) people. uh that's all I got for now, I think I may add more later.




Oh! and my parents bought a really good juicer...best.decision.ever. now our house is filled with fruits and veggies and various herbs, and the smell of citrus continually permeates the air (better than Glade, if you ask me). I love making the juices, and my mom used the leftover pulp to make muffins, or carrot cake, or something like that.....I am suddenly hungry, how 'bout you? Ciao for now

Weird dreams

I am always having strange dreams. Last night, I had three strange dreams. One was a new dream about living on a paradise island whose main income consisted of chopping down palm trees for their juice (like bamboo). The second was a reoccurring dream about being marooned on an island with a dragon, waiting for the afore prophesied prince to come and save me. The third was...uh..oh man! I forgot.
Anyways here's a video that makes me happy:

Yes, I know Miley Cyrus is way overrated, but I like the way this guy signs it.
Anyway, Ciao for now

Story Outline

Tonia

The story of how a young, independent girl becomes a spunky young woman. Eventually, when I start writing details and dialogue, I will put short passages in between in italics. These will be Tonia’s thoughts and journal entries. They tend to be very fantastical and unrealistic, but this is how she views herself.

Chapter 1: Saturday

Tonia is introduced as a rebellious young female who dictates the household and her young single mother.  She has anger issues and does not let much get in the way of what she wants to do. After getting locked in her bedroom and having her mother leave for the night, Tonia climbs out her second story window and goes to the bridge that connects her property with that of her only friend, Maria. There, the two pre-adolescents proceed to spray paint the bridge and talk in a way that would surely get them into trouble if they get caught…which they do. Maria’s mom, the new town teacher, is a strict woman in her forties, with a strong belief in God to guide her and her family through the turmoil that Tonia inevitably brings them.  At their house, Tonia’s mother I called and after refusing to apologize for her behavior, Tonia walks herself home, much to the utter embarrassment of her poor mother.

Chapter 2: Sunday

Tonia enjoys the sun and freedom of the last day of winter break before resuming school, until Mrs. Waters (Maria’s mom) decides to take her to church. This is followed by the very large problem of getting Tonia ready and presentable before they go.  Once Tonia is ready to go (i.e. the Waters’ family gives up), they head off to church, were Tonia tries to do everything in her power not to go inside for worship. Normally, she would go to Sunday school, but Mrs. Waters doesn’t trust her….and Tonia is banned from the classes after an incident with another child.  Once in the service, Tonia enjoys the music, but has trouble sitting still, until Mrs. Waters gives her a paper and pen to draw with.  Amazingly, after the service, Tonia remembers absolutely everything that was discussed, even better than Mrs. Waters does. Once they get home, Mrs. Waters insists that Tonia and Maria try to scrub off as much of the paint as possible. Mrs. Waters briefly considers  making them repaint the bridge, but after daydreaming of the results, decides to forgo the idea.

Chapter 3: First day of school

Monday comes around, and Tonia is shipped off to the local Christian elementary school.  After scaring the other students, and trying unsuccessfully to hit the teacher, (which turns out to be Mrs. Waters herself) Tonia sulks in the corner and draws for the rest of the day. During recess, Tonia picks a fight and is sent home. Shannon tries to reason with her and scold her, but both know that the exercise is fruitless. Tonia blares loud music and draws on the walls of her room, then sneaks out her window. She knows very well that she could just walk out the front door, but she prefers to make life more exciting. She spends the rest of the day, walking around town and being generally ignored or avoided by the people around her.

Chapter 4: Shannon takes a vacation  

After a particularly horrid fight between Tonia and Shannon, the latter takes off, leaving Tonia to herself in the house.  Hearing the commotion, Mrs. Waters comes over to see the house trashed and Tonia in the living room, on the couch sobbing, and holding a bleeding arm. Tonia is then rushed to the hospital and stitched up. There is some miscommunication in the doctor’s office afterwards, and Mrs. Waters is called in. The doctor had been trying to do a physical on Tonia and after explaining the process, and being given no response, had tried to take off Tonia’s shirt in order to better examine her, but Tonia had flown into a rage and virtually destroyed the small office, leaving the doctor in the corner with a large bruise on his head. After some prodding, Tonia feebly offered that she didn’t hear what the doctor had said. No one believed her.  Tonia looked at the floor and was studying a smudge one of the tiles. Mrs. Waters calls her to leave, but gets no response. Thinking Tonia is being deliberately stubborn, Mrs. Waters calls her again, this time louder and with a firm voice. Again, no response. Mrs. Waters, weary from the day, puts a hand on Tonia’s shoulder, causing Tonia to jump in surprise. Mrs. Waters, confused, leads Tonia outside and home. Upon finding out that Shannon had left, insists on Tonia, once again, staying at her house.  Once there, Mrs. Waters does a series of subtle tests to experiment with the theory that maybe Tonia was indeed having a hard time hearing things.  Much to her astonishment, it seemed that, although Tonia retained much of her hearing, she did have some trouble distinguishing the difference between voices and other sound, and sometimes had a hard time understanding speech.

Chapter 5: Getting into trouble
The next day, was Wednesday, and Mrs. Waters Drove Tonia and Maria to school. During school, Tonia seemed to be distracted. When Mrs. Waters tried to force her to pay attention and do the work that the other children were doing, she got easily frustrated and kept asking to have things repeated multiple times. Then Mrs. Waters had an idea. She wrote her instructions down on paper and when she talked, she looked straight at Tonia. She spoke in short paragraphs and then told Tonia to draw a picture of what she said. They went the whole day like that. Mrs. Waters found, that not only was Tonia a very skilled artist, but also that she was very intelligent and, when she could understand what was going on, she was a willing student. After school, Tonia insisted on walking home. Mrs. Waters, elated by the day’s progress, thought nothing of letting her go.

Chapter 6: bail out

Later that day, Mrs. Waters got a call from the police station, saying that Tonia had been caught stealing from a convenience store. Mrs. Waters paid the bail and took Tonia home.

Chapter 7: Counseling

As part of parole, Tonia had to attend some sort of counseling. Mrs. Waters helped Tonia sign up for counseling. Unfortunately, this did not suite Tonia, and after a particularly bad tantrum about the doctor taking notes, Tonia refused to offer any more information and would only sit in the corner and pout. Realizing that this was helping no one, Tonia was disenrolled from that office.

Chapter 8: a new method

Mrs. Waters decided to try counseling Tonia herself.  Armed with lots of paper and a beginner’s guide to American Sign Language, Mrs. Waters and Tonia picked through a few deep discussions and begin to learn ASL together.

Chapter 9: Growing close

Being that Mrs. Waters was the only one Tonia knew that really tried to understand her, Tonia and Mrs. Waters began to get very close and spent lots of time together. Tonia basically lived at the Waters’ house fifty percent of the time, and at her house the other fifty percent, with the watchful eyes of Mrs. Waters hovering over her to make sure she was behaved and safe. Many of the students at the school noticed a marked change in Tonia, and a few even timidly tried to make friends with her, but were quickly reassured that Tonia did not want new friends.

Chapter 10: birthday party.

A few weeks later, was Tonia’s twelfth birthday. Mrs. Waters decided that Tonia should have a party. With only a few minor mishaps, the party went smoothly, most of the guests being the Waters family and other students from Tonia’s class.

Chapter 11: Shannon gets home

The day after the party, Shannon finally gets home to bills and a still trashed house.  Still too weary to deal with Tonia, Shannon cleans up the house and pays the bills. She doesn’t even acknowledge Tonia. Later that day, Mrs. Waters comes over with the information of what has happened and suggests that Tonia see an audiologist about her hearing problems. Shannon refuses to listen and goes as far as to kick Mrs. Waters out of the house. Mrs. Waters then helps Tonia do thing herself. With a reluctant sigh, Shannon signs a paper saying that any medical decisions can be made by Tonia. After many tests, which nearly deplete all of Tonia’s savings, she decides to forgo any medical treatment, including being fitted for hearing aids. She continues to learn ASL with Mrs. Waters.

Chapter 11: Billy Graham

Early that winter, Billy Graham comes to their small town and speaks. The Waters family goes, along with Tonia. They have to sit far in the back, because they could not afford to buy seats close to the front. Although the stadium has a large TV projection, it is hard to see much of what is going on; the audience must rely on hearing Billy Graham’s voice over the microphone. As much as she tries, Tonia cannot understand much of what is being said, and has Mrs. Waters explain later. Toni is very quiet the next few days. Most people assume that she is just busy getting ready for the end of the year and tests.

Chapter 12: Graduation

Finally, the end of the school year is upon them, and Tonia graduates sixth grade with honors.  It is only after the graduation ceremony that Tonia realizes that she will have to begin a new class with a new teacher; one that is unaware or indifferent towards her auditory needs. Shannon flippantly suggests she ship Tonia off to a “special” school. This earns her a punch on her freshly healed nose. Tonia has no plans to go to a different school.

Chapter 13: Summer Vacation

The first few weeks of summer vacation are wonderful. Tonia, Mrs. Waters, and the rest of the Waters family spend lots of time together and continue to learn about sign language and the culture behind the people. Tonia reads several biographies and other books about famous Deaf people. Unfortunately, every good thing must come to an end. In early August, the Waters family moves to Europe to do some missionary work. They know nothing of the goings on in America and Tonia. Meanwhile, in America, Tonia quickly reverts to her former behavior and even worse. She lashes out in anger and frustration. She is forced to go to counseling, and refuses to talk, and in fact, hardly ever shows up. While Tonia was rebellious and challenging before, it was never malicious. Now, Tonia is doing everything she knows how, to tell people around her, how unhappy she is. The only thing anyone can truly understand is without Mrs. Waters, there is no hope for Tonia. She spends time in jail for assault. Shannon is no where to be found, and Tonia is awarded to the state.

Chapter 14: Responsibility

Finally, in a fit of desperation, Tonia’s parole officer tries to get in contact with Mrs. Waters. It takes almost a month to get a hold of her, and another month to convince her to come back to the states. Mrs. Waters suggests other ideas and alternatives before, reluctantly leaving her family and taking a flight to America. By this time, Tonia is in the hospital due to an injury after falling off  the side of a building that she was trying to climb. Mrs. Waters meets her in the hospital, where Tonia wakes up to find herself handcuffed and feeling very silly. Mrs. Waters is not amused by Tonia’s actions and tells her so. After a few more months of discussion, Tonia is awarded to Mrs. Waters’ custody.

Chapter 15: Dating…Sort of

Mrs. Waters and Tonia begin rehab together. Tonia has to do counseling again and community hours. Once she and Mrs. Waters get acquainted again, and Tonia’s anger abates enough, Mrs. Waters starts teaching again. One of the kids in her class seems to like Tonia, and after much prodding and coaxing, Tonia decides to go out on a date with this boy. At first, it seems that Tonia and Justin get a long (which is pretty awesome considering her track record with people in general). Then one day, Justin innocently asks Tonia why she can’t hear, and all goes to hell again.

Chapter 16: volunteering

Eventually, Mrs. Waters gets the idea that Tonia should volunteer with her at class to finish her community hours. By this time, Tonia is homeschooling ninth grade, and doing very well. She agrees and helps out with the kids. She is often the start of a lot of mischief and most of the time doesn’t what she is supposed to do, but the kids love…and fear….her. They respect her. At one point, she is talking to a kid who claims that he doesn’t care what anybody thinks and will whatever he wants to. Tonia tells him that, “If old Mrs. Waters can shape me up, she can sure do the same for you!” Mrs. Waters over hears this and cuffs Tonia for calling her old, but smiles anyways.

Chapter 17: faux normal

After awhile, Tonia’s life begins to resemble those of other people her age. She is still a rebel, but she is smart, conscientious, and alert.  When Mrs. Waters isn’t around, Tonia is not above doing something unconventional to get her way, but she is also no longer the bane of everyone’s existence.

Chapter 18: born again

After two years with Mrs. Waters, Tonia I now going to church, helping with the children’s ministry, and continues to help with the kids in Mrs. Waters class. No one shutters when they hear her name anymore. In fact, most kids boldly go up to her with questions or for advice. One day, after church, the pastor invites the congregation to an alter call. Everyone is amazed when they see Tonia get up and walk resolutely to the front o pray. Yes, she is one of those new Christians that cusses every once in a while and she still challenges authority whenever she can get away with it. She never fully accepts the limits society puts on people, and insists n doing things that make sense or make her happy, rather than things people expect her to do.


I know it;s long, but I hope you like it.
Ciao for now